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Ha ha ha ha ha I cut myself pretty bad at work.   
05:06pm 07/08/2008
  By accident. And I was actually embarrassed to have to walk around wearing bloody pants all day. Guess I'm civilized. It's like if being stupid made you poop. But still, gnarly cut on my leg. Kickin' Rad cut.  
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Hey, mv face is unrozen!   
06:54pm 01/08/2008
  Like two damn years ago. So what's with this one little muscle waking up now? Look here bub, I've acclimatizes to the diminished nostril flaring capacity so how about you cut out the the twitching and just bug out. If I ever need to smuggle some crayons or army men into prison I'll wish I had better nose control but somehow I'll manage. Don't call.  
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Pulling thorns out of your hand is the best.   
07:11pm 19/07/2008
  Friggen mice are all lining up around the block to pull thorns out of my paw, bunch of freeloading bastards. No way, these are all for me. Pulling thorns out of my hands is like an injury from my childhood. It's a classic. So yeah, no mice. All for me.  
Are you still trying to reason your way out of this unholy mess you've been dropped into.   
06:53pm 16/07/2008
  A subject that oft comes up in the word of our Dobbs is reason and how that's working out for you, eh? The fake dead man has a point. There's nothing reasonable about a bunch of monkeys made of slime hurtling through the icy blackness of space. Though it's ability to design high tech jelly masterbators is unmatched, any breach of understanding or control throws reason into a laughable tangent. Basically, there's no reasoning with people. You can't control them and you don't know the facts. You can try, and fail, and get a little slack for your trouble, but people are going to love you or hate you based on events that occurred long before you ever met. Probably before either of you were even born.

When it comes to people, you can fuck up or you can do nothing. I just happen to be a spectacular fuck up but I feel like I'm not exploiting that ability because I'm obsessed with doing nothing. I don't know whatever gave me the idea I can control shit with my mind but that's pretty damn irrational.
Dude, Blood Mustache. Good song title.   
04:06pm 10/07/2008
  I've lost about 70 pounds since the last time I went swimming and I knew this would effect my ability to float but I figured the best way to figure out how much is by jumping in and going to town. Well I got way out in the lake and really had to struggle getting back. Must have burst some blood vessels in my lungs because I'm just roaring bloody foam here. Awesome.  
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Slack is when you don't need anything because you've allready got it.   
04:28pm 24/06/2008
  I've started rereading the sacred texts of the SubGenius to get back in touch with the guiding principals of my life, one in particular I believe I've lost touch with; Slack. It's easy to lose touch with slack, its easy to confuse with happiness when things are going "your way." Happiness, though, is insipid. It's like corn syrup; yummy until you try to live on it. Slack means getting something for nothing, including happiness. It's as easy as violating the laws of thermodynamics! Really, it's as easy as being rational about your expectations from life. If you can find anything rational about a bunch of monkeys made of slime (or dust), roll with it.

People get this idea that they're in control of the events in their lives and the opinions of others while their own opinions and emotions are out of their control. I mean, you could force the issue. I've got slack no matter who's responsible for stuff I don't(shouldn't) give a damn about.
Obama should legalise gay marriage just because it would make a wicked pun.   
08:10pm 17/06/2008
  In 2009...

Man shall lie with a man as with a woman. This is an Obama-nation.
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Dethklok has summoned a lake troll.   
05:42pm 04/06/2008
  In my basement. Miles and miles of cold, black water. Do you know spiders scream as their tiny book lungs fill with icy water?

Makes me wonder what they'd have given me if I actually gave them the finger.
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So, just to be clear, 9-11 changed dick.   
04:05am 24/05/2008
  I took a plane out to my sister's wedding in Montana and after arriving I've realised security let me on with a boxcutter, four razor blades and two lighters in my bag. How can you not see a bunch of razor blades and lighters in an x-ray machine? They're iconic. They're practically letters. Kind of makes me wish I hadn't bothered smuggling this bong up my ass. I should have just filled it with black powder and stuck it under my turban.  
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10:02am 20/05/2008
  I hate it when I forget I know things. Like the little tidbit about how exercise makes you feel good. I'll skip a workout because I'm tired and cranky and then feel even worse having "rested." This can continue for days until, like last night, I've worked myself up into such an angst that I can't even think and just bounce back and forth between sadness, rage and disgust. That's what we call "the hard way" to work it out. Now my brain worms are all endorphined up and I'm right as rain, but maybe I aught to be like Pat and get a helpful tattoo next time instead of just dressing my skin up like a korean kid's lunchbox? I'm pretty sure I saw how to do it in Momento.  
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The Chinese won't see one red cent.   
03:49pm 16/05/2008
  See, because they're communist.

I want to spend most of this stimulus check locally, just because it seems like the least cynical thing to do without actually knowing anything about economics. Not because it means I can spend most of it on weed; I also got a used bicycle, after trying to cobble a working bike from two broken ones but creating a godless chimera device, warped in purpose and design. I actually vomited as it begged for death. So this newer one is much better. It's kind of a girl though. Can we make it work? :O With the power of rust paint, maybe.
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Caz beat me to it.   
04:54pm 01/05/2008
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Half way to go. I have to break through this brick wall   
12:03am 23/04/2008
  Less than 50 more pounds and I'll be at 15% BMI, which is healthy. According to the internet anyway, which hasn't lied to me yet. (It said natural male enhancement with herbs is possible) Of course, they're only numbers and my goals are mostly about looking better, but it's a lot harder to track your progress in that range. Just a few weeks ago, though, I fumbled shaving and cut my lip probably as bad as you can really cut yourself with one of those cheap, disposable razors. So my lip is bleeding down my face and the mirror reveals... hotness. Does not compute. It's happened a couple more times now since I cut my hair; I'm totally cute with short hair; hopefully I'll be more accustomed to it by the time anyone else notices. It's kind of embarrassing when you're inviting interest to linger upon you, but that's what people do so just fake it till you make it has worked for me so far.

Still on course for reaching 15% in August sometime. Between now and then I want to switch over to contacts since sans glasses was another OMG moment, once I got close enough to the mirror to see anything. I'd like to do something drastic with my hair too. Maybe I'll lose the bandannas then, we'll see. Also, more new clothes. I'm going to try and get something new to wear at least once a month. Soap, thats me being vain and materialistic. Good for me.
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Drugdge Report   
11:21am 21/04/2008
  It's been a couple days since I took LSD and I'm ready to present my findings. I'm pleased to report that the trip it's self was downright stereotypial; 11 hours of giggling, listening to music, drawing and play with short breaks to have your mind blow chunks out into space and across the Milky Way, which helps to quiet my lingering suspicious that my mind just doesn't work the same way as other people.

While many of the sensations were the same, the experience it's self was the polar opposite of my experiece with sacred mushrooms. Where mushrooms would shut down parts of your mind "irrelevant" to the "truth" being "revealed;" the acid melded together artificial boundaries I've erected inside my mind and in my perception of life. There's been a lot of ambivalence in my mind about trying to be both the human animal and take part in the living humanity, constantly compromising one or the other for tasks as fundamental as taking care of my body or convincing myself that life is worth living. On acid that dualism didn't just get covered over, like you can do with weed, but evaporated entirely. "I've never felt so comfortable inside my own life" sums up this section well.

Probably the trippiest thing that happened was when I turned up the brightness on my vision. While playing Katamari some visual and musical events corresponded in such a way as to turn up the brightness on my vision. As of yet I have not been able to repeat the effect but that's what they make more acid for. If you think about it, I kind of owe it to mankind to find that brightness knob in the brain. It could cure blindness and stuff.
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Chakra Kahn   
09:42am 15/04/2008

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First cancer exists, now this? LUCKY!   
11:03am 14/04/2008
  Totally found my favorite pipe. A pretty good knife too. In some horrible little pocket of my room I've been inching my way towards with each cleaning spree I must have emptied out my pockets some night after working at KFC and then covered it over in the detritus of time/soda cans.

Couldn't have happened at a better time either, with the 4/20 season all upons us. That'll leave 6 days for me to lose it in comically predictable fashion. And my boss is expecting to smoke weed discreetly in public TONIGHT or I don't get the promotion! Ah, and hi-jinx ensue. Beautiful hi-jinx.
As an american, I endorse the possession of objects.   
08:35am 06/04/2008
  Serious cat for serious internets. I'm over here visiting my folks, just trying to make them happy since Dad won't take an under the table transfusion of my vital, youthful blood, so I've let them buy me things. They really like to do that, or like to affect some semblance of normalcy on me.(no ingratitude) Anyway, I got some badly needed new clothes is the point and what's awesome is that I can fit into normal people clothes now. These are only 40 inch pants and an XL shirt. So, pretty much, I'm a sexy bitch. In the butt.
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Idaho is gay. (no homo)   
08:19am 03/04/2008
  Man, my dad is hardly dieing at all. I came over here to try and get him to die with dignity or w/e tragic stuff that makes great superhero background story and he's totally up and around. Oh well, I'm sure Bellingham's beautiful weather will last until I get back, like that fish I left out to make sour trout.  
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I just want to fly down to mexico and protect all those emo.   
11:09am 29/03/2008

NOT just an excuse to hit spics over the head with a parking meter. I really care about the emos.
Tiny setbacks = abject failure :D   
02:53am 21/03/2008
  Because Studphish are a rocketship of maturity.